Ack, yesterday really didn't go well at all. I don't know what exactly went wrong, but I was just off-kilter the whole day, and I felt awful for those who were depending on me! I think maybe I didn't spend enough "unhurried" time in my devotions that morning, or didn't use my Saturday to rest properly for a Sabbath.
Bright and early at 8:30am I dropped by my own church just to prepare and pray, since I'd be serving elsewhere this week and wouldn't have a chance to attend service or Sunday school here. I ran across a local traveling preacher, who has visited our church several times but doesn't claim any church as his home, just shows up uninvited wanting to preach and heal and bring "deliverance". Just talking with him was a bit stressful, but it reminded me that when I first showed up at my church, uninvited, people were wary of me for the same reason -- and there was a heightened sensitivity because of visitors like him. I've learned that to be considerate and sensitive to others, I need not to take matters into my own hands, but to sit back and let others get used to me in their own time.
At 9:30 I was back with my old friends at SVPG church: it's been a couple months since I saw them last, and it really saddened me to see Pastor Justin with tired, slumped shoulders. He asked for prayer for renewed vigor and focus, and I got the feeling that, indeed, the congregation was looking to me to speak inspiration into their lives with renewed vigor and focus. But I really didn't have it in me: I myself was tired, drained, and under-prepared -- I felt like my message on Philippians 2:12-16 was rambling and disorganized, and I openly confessed that. But the Word of God is stronger than my shortcomings, and God's power is made perfect in my weakness. To the extent that anyone got anything out of that sermon, it's all due to the power of God's Word -- it definitely wasn't me!
In the afternoon I was back at the teens' baptismal Sunday school class at Surrey ECBC. Just seeing their smiling faces as they played and joked around was enough to brighten my day! But still I was tired and unfocused; I noticed myself slipping into a more top-down didactic style rather than interactive dialogue. I had a bit of trouble translating the questions the kids asked in Mandarin, and I caught myself almost getting a bit snippy with the kids. That just devastated me! These are the same inquisitive kids from last week, and the last thing I want is to dump cold water on their pursuit of God just because I'm having a bad day.
The kids are so generous, though! Despite my having bored them through a dry Sunday school, they still showed such warmth, trust, and appreciation -- after only a few minutes of gentle attention shown to them. They are here to learn, but it's less important that they acquire knowledge; it's much more important that they know they are loved -- loved by me, loved by their parents, loved by God.
My last event for the day was F&T's small group Bible study at Venus' place. This small group is such an eclectic one; every one of us is just a bit ... ah ... "quirky" ... in our own way. Myself included, of course! 
We had fun and far-ranging conversations, from tax evasion and underground drug/prostitution economies to how to get along with our aging parents. At one point we were talking about the Old Testament "cities of refuge", and Tony asked me the good question, "so, is this small group a place of refuge for you?". Hmm!
Yes, I really do see my small groups -- both the ones I'm a member of and the ones I'm leading -- as places of refuge and acceptance, good friends and accountability partners. At the same time, though, I can count on maybe one hand the number of close friends I've found here who are also spiritually mature, have a heart to serve, and understand my calling. The small groups are nice for their purpose, but I'm really desiring something more, of deeper kinship ... well, okay really ... what I'm looking for is a partner in ministry and in life.
The very first day I settled into my office, I wrote this verse on my whiteboard, as a reminder to myself of why I'm here and who my Boss is:
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
(Colossians 3:23-24)